Today at school, sometime around noon, a transformer blew causing all AC units in the school to shut down. This caused a rapid increase in heat, drowsiness, and sleep-induced comas. Before 88 degrees set in, I assigned my kids a writing assignment. They had to write a letter to the school principal, requesting that we permanently remove all AC units from campus. Needless to say, sarcasm was involved. I participated as well, and wrote the following:
Dear Mr. Hutek:
Wow. What a great idea. I have this thing where, all the AC units in the school are removed, and we all live as learn as one with mother earth. Now don’t get carried away just yet. People like their AC, it’s a security blanket for those that are afraid of the heat.
As you know, we live and work in Florida. We are the Sunshine State after all, and we are enslaving ourselves to the shadows of darkness for staying indoors and being duped by the demon known as cold. In fact, I’ll take it a step further—AC units are the devil. I didn’t want to go there, but I had to. Armwood High School is in danger, and you need to know.
Most people think of heat, flames, fire, when it comes to the devil. But those people are wrong. Most of those people are cold-hearted devil worshipers who praise the Dark One in the confines of their ice caves and AC units. I don’t want Armwood to become a dark ice cave that proclaims the Prince of Darkness as its mascot.
Lets kill evil, lets kill the bondage, lets assassinate the enemy to all of mankind. AC Units. You have the power sir, lets move them out of town and enjoy our own little slice of heaven.